


Book End to the episode 1.03 Devil in the Dark

by koalathebear



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-10 23:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalathebear/pseuds/koalathebear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set at the end of/just after episode 1.03 Devil in the Dark.  Nolan introspects about things that he could have done differently.  Many fans are quick to judge Nolan for being a 'bad father', but raising an Irathient probably isn't as easy as it might seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Book End to the episode 1.03 Devil in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know! I am so bad with my wrong!ships. Justification/rationalisation for this wrong!ship is here.

*

_"This was one of your episodes, wasn't it?"_  
"I thought you told me they'd stopped."  
"I just stopped talking about them. They've been getting stronger since we came here."  
"You know they're not real."  
"I know."  
"They're post-traumatic stress.  
"I know."  
"And given your history..."  
"I said I know!" 

*

There was blood everywhere …blood and the sounds of agonised screams and the part of Irisa that remained faintly self-aware despite her nightmares found herself wishing for the days when she believed that her visions and nightmares were nothing more than remnants of post-traumatic stress disorder.

She continued to toss on the bed, unable to wake herself from the nightmare which grew more and more overwhelming. The monsters that haunted her dreams were always faceless, making them even more terrifying.

Nolan had sensed that something was wrong long before he had heard Irisa's first cries. His expression turned very grim as he entered her room and saw her rocking from side to side on the bed, her face contorted in distress. It had been some time since he had seen her gripped by a nightmare this strong. When she was younger, the dreams were almost a nightly occurrence and he had spent many a night sitting at her side, comforting her and chasing away her nightmares by telling her stories and fairy tales from _his_ Earth – the days before the Votan had arrived.

Irisa had come to him with nothing of her own folklore, mythology or storytelling. Her parents had not been of a nurturing persuasion and her knowledge of fairy tales, legends and heroes had all been stories of Nolan's telling. 

Nolan hesitated for a moment before reaching out and taking Irisa's hand in his. The Irathient Sukar's words of condemnation had been repeating in his mind like a mantra, reproaching him for all of his shortcomings – particularly in relation to Irisa who was dearer to him than anything else in the Universe.

_One does not make an Irathient child do anything. A fit father would understand._

His mouth tightening, Nolan clasped Irisa's hand and felt it twitch convulsively before tightening around his, a reminder that even in the midst of nightmare, she knew that he was there. He had never claimed to be a fit father, but Sukar's words had cut deeply nonetheless.

_"Irathients and Humans, they don't have the best relations in this area."_

Not just in Defiance – the relationship was bad everywhere on earth. Humans and Irathients were so different. Nolan had lost track of the number of times following his rescue of Irisa where he had been told to be merciful and euthanise her like an animal, that the Irathients were feral and little better than beasts.

Others had mocked him, taunting him for what they saw his pathetic attempt to atone for the number of Irathient lives he had taken during the Pale Wars. 

_"You're wasting your time, Nolan – Irathient scum do not understand loyalty, trust or gratitude. She will gut you like a fish in your sleep."_

Nolan had never listened to anyone except himself though and he had continued to risk life and limb by keeping the young Irathient with him – teaching her everything he knew about survival, about this new world where almost nothing looked like the world he had known as a child.

She had been an eager learner - smart, inquisitive and full of mischievous energy. Born with natural combat skills, the ability to fight, hunt and track came easily to her. She also had a thoughtful side that craved his stories of Old Earth and an understanding about what it meant to be a true hero. A natural cynic, mistrustful and prickly, her sense of self-preservation very strong and she was less likely to trust others than Nolan but she trusted him and accompanied him wherever he went.

It had never occurred to Nolan that Irisa's nightmares and visions were anything but a result of the not inconsiderable trauma that Irisa had suffered as a child. He had certainly never imagined that they were visions from Irzu and that Irisa was blessed (or cursed) with anything except a very unfortunate start to life.

While Nolan had encountered many Irathient in his travels – there had been very little talking and there had certainly been no discussion of matters spiritual or cultural. Most Irathient regarded him with profound suspicion and hatred for adopting one of their own. Most assumed he had ignoble or base motives for having taken Irisa in. Irathient-Human couplings were not uncommon but the couples and their offspring tended to be reviled by both races and on the fringes of an already mistrustful and fragmented society.

Put simply, there had never been the opportunity for Nolan to learn about all the differences between human and Irathient, other than what Nolan could observe for himself. Like any single parent, he had done the best he could in less than ideal circumstances, but now as he looked down at Irisa's tortured features, he found himself asking if he should have tried to do more.

"Hey kid – I'm here," he said in a low, reassuring voice and Irisa's eyes snapped open, huge and terrified.

As they rested on Nolan's face, he saw the fear vanish immediately and comfort and relief fill her amber eyes, saw her breathing become regular and felt the convulsive grip on his hand tighten.

"Sorry to wake you up," she said apologetically.

"I was already awake," he told her.

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Sorry for all the mean things I said to you today?"

"Which one?"

She flinched.

"I'm used to it," he teased her comfortingly. "What was the nightmare about tonight? Was it a nightmare or was it a vision?"

She stared into his face, searching his expression. "It was just a nightmare," she told him. "I dreamed that you died."

"I'm right here," he told her, reaching out with his free hand to brush the hair from her face.

She looked down at their clasped hands and instead of the visions, she saw the very familiar and comforting image of him waking her from her nightmares.

"You're always here for me," she whispered, remembering his strong, loving grip as he had held her in McCawley's field when the visions of Rynn had gripped her so violently and painfully. "You've always been here for me," she said with a catch in her voice, wondering if the emotions that she was feeling were human, Irathient, both or neither …

Nolan stretched out next to her and pulled her into his arms, tucking her head against his shoulder as he stroked her hair, his calm, comforting strength banishing the last vestiges of the nightmare. "And I always will be," he promised her, pressing his lips against her forehead and holding her until she slept.

**end**


End file.
